I'm not afraid of much. Mainly two things, spiders....and getting old. And when I mean old I mean like really old. I fear having to wear a diaper some day and have to rely on someone else to wipe my ass. I fear having to lose those I love. I fear what I will look like and what kind of health I will have. Will I have any teeth? Hair? Will I be hunched over? Maybe my real fear is that of the unknown. That seems so far from now that it's such a hard concept to grasp. OLD OLD OLD.
But tonight was the first time that I almost felt excited about growing older. I was sitting down on the floor beside the couch were dimas was laying and saying good night to him. It had been such a crazy day and we hadn't spent much time together so we started talking. As he talked to me, I started playing with his short black hair and I noticed a gray strand peeking through. I smiled. I started to think about how cute Dimas would look with salt and pepper hair. How happy I am to know that I want to spend my life with this man and that I am excited to see who he becomes. I am excited for the adventures we will have. It was almost like I let go and stopped trying to resist something that can not be resisted. I have control issues. And so i know that's a part of my fear. But just knowing that Dimas will be there with me as I get old makes me feel so much better. Thank you little silver strand for showing me your wisdom. Good night.
